By William Stafford, Newsmonth

NEW YORK CITY, N.Y., (NMth) - An early poll has shown Hillary Clinton a sure winner in the 2004 presidential elections. The poll showed her having 67% of the vote to 33% for any opponent. [The poll has an error rate of plus or minus 50 points. A sample of 3 people was used by making telephone calls to residents of Martha's Vineyard until people were found who realized that the United States has a president and that they reside in the country of the United States.]

FLORIDA SUPREME COURT IN ELECTION ACTION AGAIN

By Kathy Dell, Florida Tribune

Tampa, Fla., (FT) - Florida Supreme Court has settled another election issue. In the November 2001 Tampa city election, Alan Victor Grittenberger Beabop Bitalinberger Esquire Leroy Jr. III won the 2nd city council seat from his opponet Hal Orr. It turned out that Alan's name spread out on the ballot to cover three punch holes to the one of Hal Orr. Hal's immediately turned his defeat by 5,392 votes into a court battle by suing Mr. Leroy Jr. III. The case went all the way up to the Supreme Court who decided in fact the election was unfair, that indeed the vote count of Alan Victor Grittenberger Beabop Bitalinberger Esquire Leroy Jr. III must be divided by four. Mr. Orr has been sworn in as the new city council member declaring, "It's only fair."

NEW HIGH SCHOOL GEOGRAPHY TEST

By Theodore Whipple, Education Now

Washington, D.C., (EN) - The previous testing of American high school students of pointing out various countries on a map was replaced by a new test. So many students were failing the old test that a new one was necessary. The new test consists of placing the student before a map and a brown leather satchel and having him point to the map. One out of ten high school students can pass the test. One typical test of five students resulted in one student more or less pointing to the map, two pointing to the satchel, one not knowing how to point, and the fifth one nearly getting his finger stuck in his ear. In Japan the success rate was 100%. From now on OSHA requires a finger extraction tool to be nearby during the test period.

TELEPHONE COMPANY AVOIDS CHAPTER 11

By Howard Hoover, Business Review newswriter