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The following jokes are from a book published in 1929, Wise Cracks, G.P. Putnam’s Sons, New York, London. 1929 wasn’t really that long ago, but it’s interesting reading these to see what’s changed, and what hasn’t changed and never will.
ADVICE
What this country needs is fewer people telling us what this country needs.--Judge.
AMERICA
Americanism---An endless quest after something new---a hero, a car or a President.--Detroit News.
ANIMALS
Animals can't be related to man. They don't keep on grabbing for more when they have enough.--Anaheim Plain Dealer.
ARMY
One of the best jokes we know on second lieutenants is the prediction of a prominent scientist that machinery will fight the next war.--New York Evening Post.
AUTOMOBILES (Driving)
If the dents are in the rear fenders it is a sign he is a careful driver.--Cincinnati Enquirer.
It's a short lane that has no road hog.--Judge.
AVIATION
Sooner or later some aviator will double-cross the ocean.--Arkansas Gazette.
BATHING
Ladies who went in bathing used to dress like Mother Hubbard. Now they dress more like Mother Hubbard's cupboard.--Tampa Tribune.
CHILDREN
It is estimated there were only one-fifth as many books on child psychology when alder switches grew in every back yard.--Detroit News.
CHINA
Now we realize the value of the open door in China. It's easier to get out of in a hurry.--St. Louis Daily Globe-Democrat.
CHRISTMAS
Give a man a couple of loud ties and it's Christmas--Life.
CIGARETTES
It strikes us that what this country needs is a good harmful cigarette.--New York World.
CIVILIZATION
In another hundred years civilization will have reached all peoples except those that have no resources worth stealing.--Chico Record.
COLLEGE
If a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, strait-jackets would be the style in most colleges.--Judge.
The more we go to college, the more we go to college.--Texas Ranger.
CONGRESS
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.--Detroit Free Press.
COURTSHIP
They used to serenade the girls with a guitar. But now a motor horn fetches them out more quickly.--Atlanta Citizen.
DEBT
The "b" in debt is silent, but presumably it was stuck there to supply the sting.--Fergus Falls (Minn.) Journal.
DOCTORS
If he still has his appendix and his tonsils, the chances are that he is a doctor.--Life.
DOGS
A dachshund is half a dog high by a dog and a half long.--Carnegie Puppet.
DOMESTICITY
Because a girl refused to marry him a certain man has stayed at home for fifty years; but we've known a man to do that just because the girl did marry him.--Punch.
EARLY BIRDS
An alarm clock is all right if a person likes that sort of "ting."--Life.
EDUCATION
Nowadays a child picks up geography from a rumble seat, arithmetic from a dial phone and the alphabet from a radio call list.--Detroit News.
EVOLUTION
Teaching evolution in the schools won't make people accept it. Spelling is taught in the schools.--San Francisco Chronicle.
FARMING
Why is it, the farmer would like to know, that as soon as a crop starts coming up in the fields it starts going down in the market?--Detroit News.
FOOD
You may eat your cake and have it, too, by making two cakes.--Columbia Record.
GARDENING
The best way to tell the vegetables from the weeds is to watch your neighbor's chickens.--Judge.
HAPPINESS
Five secrets of happiness: Money, Money, Money, Money, Money.--Judge.
LAWYERS
A man left the bulk of his fortune to his lawyer. If everybody did this, a lot of time would be saved.--London Opinion.
MEXICO
In Mexico, first you run for President, and then you run for your life.--American Lumberman.
MOVIES
There are said to be thirty-six original dramatic situations, and whenever we go to the movies we wonder whatever became of the other thirty-five.--New York Evening Post.
PROHIBITION
Prohibition may not succeed but it drys its best.--Life.
PUNCTUALITY
Punctuality is the art of guessing how late the other fellow is going to be.--Goblin.
RUSSIA
Soviet says it aims at justice. It is fatally successful.--Wall Street Journal.
STATISTICS
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.--Fort Wayne News-Sentinel.
WAGES
Many girls are getting men's wages nowadays---but then they always have.--Stanford Chaparral.
WOMEN'S CLOTHES (Short Skirts)
Skirt, once a common noun, has become a mere abbreviation.--Virginian-Pilot.
YOUNGER GENERATION
Members of the younger generation are alike in many disrespects.--Arkansas Gazette.
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